The English Language – Learn It or Lose It

I never paid much attention in English class throughout high school or college. Now, more than any other subject, I wish I had listened more astutely. The spoken word in collaboration with the written language is the basis for all communication between human beings. It is one of the main components that separates us from frogs, stupid frogs think they are so smart! Despite its significance, through the ages there has always been a fragment of the populace who feels the need to abort this correspondence for their asinine slant on the language.

Whether it comes in the form of Text-Speak, Ebonics, Southern Slang, Spanglish, Yinglish, Pidjin, Pig Latin, or even Zoomspeak, they are all nothing short of irritations on the face of American intelligence. I realize that every generation has its own vernacular in a vain attempt to distinguish itself as the “bees knees”, “hep cats”, “cool”, “groovy”, “boss”, or “shizznit” conglomerate. The fact is we are all guilty of this travesty, but it seems like this practice has gotten WAY out of hand. Dig?

When composing an email, text, or IM it takes approximately 1.10008 more seconds to write out a proper word than it does to use mindless text-speak. Look here Copernicus; I don’t want to have to figure out what the hell “ONTLMAOINMU” means when I am trying to decipher what you are talking about. I shouldn’t have to hire a 12-year-old neighbor kid to tell me what, if anything, you are trying to say. The fact is that 12 year old kids have a weird smell, sticky hands and beady eyes so I don’t want them anywhere near me! For the love of all things sane stop with the cutesy texting, it’s annoying and only proves with undue certainty what a complete tool you truly are.

Ebonics, yet another caustic distortion of the English language supported by mandle wearing lefties. Sorry but all it is is street slang, nothing more, nothing less. Yet some supporters think teachers should offer this “language” in school to help inner city kids assimilate better. Say, I have a novel idea, how about parents get involved with their children and teach them how to use the English language! Just so you know, the word is “ASK” not “AX”. These two words have distinct definitions with absolutely no overlap should you feel inclined to map them with a Venn diagram. So unless your name is Snoop Dogg and you make millions of dollars putting out rap music, don’t use Ebonics! Trizzle my manizzle?

So are Y’all gettin where I’m comin from? Annoying isn’t it! Southern slang is another geographic specific slang that is impossible to decipher unless you were born there. Now I’m “fixin” to get a might riled about this anesthesia free castration of proper English. It doesn’t matter if it is how everyone around you speaks; it’s “wicked” wrong! Education is the key to success; there is no simpler algorithm than this. Please take it to heart and stay in, or go back to school to learn how to speak, write and communicate.

Can’t we all agree that it doesn’t help anyone to allow slang to turn into a dialect, lexicon, idiom, vernacular, patois, argot or parlance? It’s kind of like skinny jeans, oversized sunglasses, faux hawks, face tattoos, toe shoes, butt packs, and baggy pants; you may think they look cool now but once you get a few more years under your sagging belt you will look back and laugh at your ridiculous fashion faux pas!

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